Last month’s blog (My Kids ARE Entitled) led to some deep and real conversations among clients and colleagues about what entitlement means. If you missed it, please take a quick read now as it will offer context for what follows here.
I was surprised by how many people have no connection to the neutral or positive meanings of the term. The majority of folks see “entitlement” as being spoiled and feeling deserving of being given things that normally require hard work and/or expense.
Let’s go the dictionary route for a moment. I googled “the top free online dictionaries” and got Dictionary.com and Cambridge Dictionary.
Below, Dictionary.com offers three definitions. Two are in what I’d call the neutral, non-spoiled realm—surprisingly, to me anyway, Cambridge only has a single definition completely focused on being spoiled with no references to the neutral meanings. Take a look:
adjective
- called by the title indicated. [Jeff Savlov’s addition: neutral, not related to spoiled]
In my paper so entitled, I explore the idea that “Robust Democracy Is National Security.”
- having a right or legitimate claim to something. [Jeff Savlov’s addition: neutral, not related to spoiled]
The inheritance passes to the legally entitled heir.
- assuming or acting as though one has an innate right or claim to wealth, success, recognition, etc. [Jeff Savlov’s addition: RELATED to spoiled]
I was so entitled and self-centered that I never noticed the injustices around me.
Adjective – disapproving
feeling that you have the right to do or have what you want without having to work for it or deserve it, just because of who you are:
These kids are spoiled, entitled, self-absorbed, and apathetic.
Cambridge did not even offer a single definition of entitled that does not relate to being “spoiled, self-absorbed, and apathetic”! I found this shocking. How can parents, families, and society develop healthy entitlement if one of the two top online dictionaries (as Google rates them) does not offer even a single definition NOT based on being spoiled?!
ChatGPT understood what I meant by “neutral” entitlement and gave dozens of examples in various aspects of life:
In everyday life:
- You are entitled to a refund if a product is defective under the applicable return policy.
- You are entitled to take your lunch break under your workplace’s policy.
- You are entitled to expect a plumber to do the work you paid for.
- You are entitled to a seat you reserved on a train.
In relationships and family:
- A child is entitled to be treated with respect.
- A friend is entitled to expect you to keep a confidence.
- A person is entitled to end a relationship that isn’t working for them.
- A person is entitled to have feelings that others don’t share or understand.
In work and society
- An employee is entitled to be paid for work performed.
- A customer is entitled to receive the service they purchased.
- A student is entitled to know the criteria by which their work will be graded.
- A homeowner is entitled to enjoy their property within the limits of the law.
Entitlement, in its neutral sense, is about what someone has a legitimate right to expect or claim. There is nothing in the word itself, beyond how it is commonly used, that points to meaning spoiled, arrogant, demanding, or unreasonable. We seem to be experiencing a shift in everyday language in which “entitled” is increasingly associated with the negative meaning, obscuring the more neutral meaning of having a legitimate right or claim to something.
For wealth-creating families, this distinction matters enormously. How do we raise children who understand that they are entitled to love, respect, a voice in family matters, and opportunities to develop their capabilities, while also understanding that wealth, privilege, and opportunity come with responsibilities?
How do we help them develop a strong work ethic, take ownership of their choices, and learn to contribute rather than simply expect to receive? And how do we do this without inadvertently teaching them that having needs, expressing expectations, or believing they deserve fair treatment is somehow a sign of being spoiled?
I believe the goal isn’t to raise children who “aren’t entitled”; it’s to raise children who understand what they are entitled to, what they need to earn, and what they owe to others.
For wealth-creating families, this distinction is especially important. The challenge isn’t simply to prevent children from becoming spoiled. It’s to help them develop the confidence to know their worth, the work ethic to make their own contributions, and the sense of responsibility to use their opportunities well. Perhaps that’s what healthy entitlement is really about.