I was recently invited to a social event where I only knew one person. While this person was busy connecting with all the people she knew, I was mingling, observing, and meeting new people.
At one point, I took a cozy seat in a chair by a fire close to two people having a conversation. I was not intentionally eavesdropping, but they were speaking in a volume that sent their conversation clearly to my ears (sounds a lot like eavesdropping, although in order not to hear I would have had to put my hands over my ears–you be the judge!)
What was interesting to me was that it felt in my gut like these were cousins. Nothing they said definitively made that obvious. It was more a felt sense. They had not seen one another in a while, they knew many of the same relatives and were naming them. They were clearly not just friends who knew one another’s families and it simply did not have the feel of a sibling conversation – even siblings who had not seen one another in a while.
Of course, I could have been wrong. However, I jumped in and said, “Hey–are you two cousins?” They both smiled broadly and each offered an emphatic “Yes!” I shared that they seemed like cousins in all the best ways. I told them I overheard their conversation, stories of family members long gone, newly born and in between. Mostly, I let them know that there was a sweetness to their interaction that screamed “cousin” to me. They both smiled with even more intensity, welcomed me into their conversation, and talked about how much they enjoyed catching up and committed to seeing one another more regularly.
In my work with enterprising families, the cousin generation (third generation, or G3 as it is known) is infamous for being the downfall of financial wealth created through hard work and discipline by G1 and G2. In my experience, there is something to this reputation of G3 as there are inherent challenges to keeping a stewardship mindset flourishing, along with healthy generational wealth creation, into the third generation. But this G3 downfall notion has taken on catastrophic proportions that do not play out with the frequency and severity they are often labeled with.
In the families I work with around sustaining and transitioning generational wealth, some of the most intentional, purposeful and socially impactful families have a G3 cousin generation worthy of admiration. The older cousins mentor and support the younger cousins. The younger cousins bring energy and fresh ideas which are welcomed by older cousins as well as by previous generations excited to have new blood and ideas. In these families, the previous generations have put effort into getting the cousins together, often through ritualized get-togethers around holiday times or for the sole purpose of having “cousin camps,” as many families call them.
When there is a family culture of intention, purpose, and strong values, G3 becomes infused with it and the cousins have a special bond that strengthens the foundation set by generations before them. Particularly when the older generations put real effort into including G3 in family experiences together.
So, while many expressions are vilifying G3 and their perceived propensity to demolish family wealth, such as “Shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations,” “Clogs to clogs in three generations,” and “Rice paddy to rice paddy in three generations,” I suggest that parents and their kids put their heads together in a thoughtful and focused way around nurturing the cousin generation. When they do, the result tends to be humans of motivation, character, family connection and love–regardless of what the shirtsleeves, clogs and rice paddies have to say about it!