When I was 7 or 8 years old, I visited a park with my extended family. One of my older cousins saw a shiny, new Mercedes in the parking lot and said something to the effect of, “Why in the world would someone buy one of those? That car is so expensive, they must be trying to show off and show everyone how great they are!”
I remember being confused and wondering why my cousin was so angry. Another family member spoke up agreeing with my cousin and confused me more. They seemed so upset about another person’s purchase and the tone of the comment indicated the Mercedes’ owners were somehow bad people.
This really stuck with me.
50+ years later I’ve had experiences working with some of America’s poorest and wealthiest families. First, the poor families when I worked with the homeless mentally ill trying to engage them in a trusting relationship so they might consider mental health treatment and living indoors (which we could help them access once they proved able to manage it). Then, the wealthy families in my consulting practice. I’ve given a lot of thought to perceptions and assumptions related to financial circumstance.
The “Mercedes anger” I describe is interesting to me. People love a rags-to-riches story and that is often what is referred to as the American dream! Yet, once wealthy, there is a backlash. Envy, jealousy, and competitiveness can kick in and people want to tear wealthy people and families down.
For example, when a really wealthy person shops at a discount warehouse like Costco, it is not unusual for others to see this and call them cheap. “OMG, they have so much money and are so miserly, shopping at Costco when they can easily afford XYZ!”
Certainly, the story above with my cousin is an example of the opposite: tearing down the “wealthy” for spending their money. (In truth, I do not know how “wealthy” the owner of the Mercedes was in that childhood example. Could have been a hardworking blue-collar worker who chose to put their money into a Mercedes!)
It can be a no-win situation: Live simply and you are cheap and stingy. Spend your money on expensive things and you are showy and ostentatious. Really, it’s all relative.
Many wealthy families treat others and the world respectfully by giving back through philanthropy and generally living a life of good values and respect for others. Wealthy folks who do not treat workers well and use their resources to harm others and the environment, for example, are worthy of scorn much like poor and working-class people would be.
I’ve experienced wealthy and super-wealthy people who worked hard, loved what they did and became financially successful beyond their wildest dreams. Yet they still experience themselves just as simple and down-to-earth as when they started (for those who did not start wealthy). This is true for those with yachts and private planes and those living more-or-less upper middle-class lives even when their resources would allow for so much more.
Fewer and fewer families hold more and more of the world’s wealth. This is a growing trend and may explain some of the “Mercedes anger”. Putting down a wealthy person for being economical may be a function of jealousy, the person making the judgment wishing they had the money and ability to do more in their own lives. There are complex social trends and tensions around concentration of wealth and who gets the best opportunities.
It seems hypocritical to me to love wealth creators when they do not come from wealth and to cheer them on as they create and grow wealth, only to put them in a no-win situation when they get to the “promised land”. Live a simple life and you are cheap. Spend your money and you are trying to make everyone else feel bad.
I am a big fan of MLK Jr and his writings. I deeply appreciate his non-violent approach to social change and his focus on love towards everyone as a basis for peace. In the context of intense racial conflict in America, MLK Jr said, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character”. The ongoing struggle for people of color to overcome barriers in society is a very different set of circumstances than the biases against wealth creators I describe here. And yet MLK Jr’s words ring true in terms of judging people by their character as opposed to a stereotype about the group they fit into.
With respect to wealth creators (and way beyond just that group) doesn’t it make so much sense to keep an open mind and get to know people rather than making assumptions based on a single behavior? Imagine how many fulfilling connections have been lost over snap judgments.
Next time you see someone with significant financial resources driving an expensive car or saving a few bucks through simple living, think about the content of their character. It will benefit us all!